"does that tree feel fall too mama?"

Sitting here with the smell of squash, sage and onions roasting in the oven. mmmmmmmmm fall. I haven't experienced fall for 3 years! the changing of the leaves from green to yellow, red, orange, the soft light in the afternoon, the crisp air in the morning and night (well, actually the freezing air!) I love it all. my body is soaking this up and melting into this change. We are all "feeling fall" and starting to show our softer colors, our deepest hues.

yay, hibernation is right around the corner and oh do i need this. I'm not fooling myself....i know there is not going to be much down time with two littles in the house but the energy is different in the winter; its slower, quieter, less is expected, less goes on. this time brings about the desire to bake, drink tea, stare off into the trees, draw, tell longer stories, snuggle more, love longer.

i feel full of joy for this experience, this time, this place, my family, the love, the mess, the joy.

Panama Tour: Isla Contadora

Our Papa-day/Abel bday weekend getaway to Isla Contadora, one of the 100 Pearl Islands off Panama's pacific coast...50 miles from the city

we took the ferry at 8 am...a bit early for us but we made it!

it was a totally smooth ride on a new, clean catamaran

$78 roundtrip p/person

one and a half hour ride

(and yes, aiyana is wearing long sleeves and layers in this heat....it's what she does and i choose my battles)

my little cutie sportin her pink panama hat

once we got the island we had to take a little boat to the sand...no piers...and the water?...well....ya

we stayed at Villa Romantica which has one of the best locations on the island but desperately needs a little remodeling help

and the perfect view from our window...we napped with the doors wide open listening to nothing but the lapping of the waves...and i fell asleep wondering if i might just turn into an island gypsy

and to keep the littles occupied they had a huge chess set

we left our perfect little beach and decided to walk around and find another through the thick rain forest

and down a little road until....

we found another little piece of paradise

and played in the tiny little waves and soaked up the ocean air and a bit too much sun

there was a little river that ran to the sea where satya compiled her treasures

and aiyana basked in her perfect "papa-day" (as she calls the weekends)

and i fully inhaled the serenity of escaping from the city to a most magical place even if just for a night

and i soaked in those sweet moments when life feels complete and sweet and where i have to stop myself from gobling up these delicious babes

and then we walked back

and ate and breathed in our last moments of our little isla getaway

Tulum Part 3: photo log: mesmerizing beachside bonfire

Family Holiday (Part 2)

I'm having one of those days where i feel like i want to curl up, cry a lot sleep, get spoon-fed, fall back to sleep, cry some more...not sure what happened but woke up in a super funk and cannot shake it. If i had a "real" job i would most definitley call in sick and lounge around all day in my underwear eating ice cream. But, since I have two littles who do not allow me any time off i have tried to do the above with almost no luck.

Cuz, when mama is cranky, the babes are a mess! And i don't have what it takes to shift their drama. Heck, i can't even pull myself together! What's a mama to do?

I felt similar a couple of weeks back when we came back from our precious holiday. Two weeks surrounded by special peeps, my peeps where i felt seen, loved and was hugged multiple times a day to coming back to no family, almost no community and boxes in a garage...it was a bit depressing to say the least.

Those weeks with my fam gave me a dose of that feeling of tribe, of community that i long for so ardently.

I know in my depth that it is possible to live in an environment that is quite unlike the structures that have been patch-worked together but that is something much more soul- satisfying. Maybe you already have a closely knit community of family and friends who nurture you, help you raise your children, whom you cook with and garden with. I feel like i am far away from anything that resembles that and i have such a desire to create it for my family.

If only i could get some of these folks living in one town, I'd be off to a great start!



Until we get our butts back to Boulder to be with what feels most like home, I have my sweet mini tribe and a few special peeps who keep me going



Here's where much of the action happened...the eating, the chopping, the washing, the snacking, the nibbling. There was so much eating going on almost nonstop and i did my fair share and subsequently smuggled 4 pounds of myself back to Panama!



We ventured out of our perfect compound and away from the beach a total of 3 times of the two week stay. Here we took the girls out on the town. This shop owner said in english with his great mexican accent "this is your day. come into my shop. today everything is almost free for you"



We found a sweet shop with a courtyard in the back with books, yummy smoothies and amazing home-ade popsicles!









In coming back to the house we wondered if it was necessary to leave again....ever!



I loved watching my babes play half naked with their strollers, their own babies and their innocence. Ahhh childhood.

(stay tuned for part 3)

Family Holiday 2010 (Part 1)

Happy 2011!

I am back and finally have a moment to sit and write. We moved out of our Paitilla apartment on December 17th and put everything into my mother's garage and then left for our Christmas vacation on the 18th. A little hectic but the anticipation of our 2 week retreat on the aqua beaches of Tulum, Mexico was keeping me going.

Abel and I have been to Tulum 3 times prior and it is our favorite beach getaway. It is heaven with pink shell speckled white sand and crystal clear waters. There is a strip of eco resorts far away (one and a half hours drive) from the craziness of the the strip-mall-all-inclusive-spring-break destination that is Cancun.

Our first trip was on our honeymoon, another a year later and then with little Aiyana when she was 10 months old. And now we were back with two babes! Time flies! this time we met my brothers, sister, her beau and our sweet niece Bella along wiht my little sis, my mom and her husband at an amazing house rented for the holidays (thank you mom and david!!).



Our little slice of paradise






We were secluded from everything and could hear the crashing waves from our window. I slept like a log every night and relished in the serenity, the quiet, the fresh air. It nourished dormant cells in my body.



my girls were free to run and play everyday in the sand and waves. It was sweet to see them enjoy this sacred place especially after living in an apartment for a year. I felt us sink deep into the arms of mother earth.



the rooftop deck was a good place for sweet conversation

I love, love, love my family. There are 5 of us kids and us 2 older sisters have very special mates and delicious daughters. So, all in all we are a herd of 12 and we all stayed under a single roof for two weeks with no yelling and minimal tears. We are all very easy going and appreciate these moments once a year where we get to love on each other. Oh, we have our issues. Don't get me wrong. It is not all peaches. But, we have much love for each other and truly soak in the time we have. It is yummy!



Isabella Grace is my precious 10 year old niece whose imagination is endless and her patience is strong. Aiayana and Bella were lost most days in their own beautiful world of babies, restaurants, fairies....we cried hard tears when we left and Aiyana asked on the plane ride home "does Bella miss me?"





more to come.............