my littlest little turns 2!

I am all choked up over here with satya turning 2! I looked thru my birth pictures and allowed all the feelings and sensations of that day to wash over me. I felt like i was in a haze today with all the memories of her birth. There are so many things i need to process about that time (but that's for another post).

Two years ago i became a mother of two. What a transition! I love having my two little girls. they are magical. life just keeps going and i want more time to simmer in these memories; in these days of chubby fingers and baby voices. I can't stand the idea that my girls won't always be little. So much of me wants to keep them mine and not have them grow up and into themselves.

Mothering is such a bittersweet process. It's hard to let go of the beautiful past and not wish with all my soul that i could touch that newborn face and smell that newborn body and listen to those little coos. I want more than the memories.



Well, at least she is just 2! Imagine my tears when they turn 16, 20, 30! I think i may have to have another just to prolong this whole growing up thing.


Well, here's to my strong birth, my first 2 years as a mother of 2 and to my beautiful, powerful, fiery, sweet satya amina! Happy birthday littlest!

tidbits

one

I have watched Pride and Prejudice many times and in watching it i am left only with wanting more. I'm not even sure what it is that draws me in so deeply. There is a simplicity to life of that time. A space that allows life to slow down, afternoons to read books, rolling hills to amble, tea to be sipped and herbs to be picked. Where is that space now?
In her time there is space to learn music, drawing, painting, dancing...all of which is deemed a prerequisite for any young lad or lady to enter into society. How civilized!
Of course, I know there is crazy sex and class discrimination but i don't like to worry about that so much.
i just want to steep in the beauty that Jane paints for me.........

two

Aiyana has informed me that trolls may be nice but there are none living in Panama

three

Satya has gone "peepee poddy" a few times over the last several days! it helps to live in a tropical climate and be naked all the time! the perks of life in Panama!

four

i love my toddy coffee. it leaves a smirk on my face as i fall asleep...just in the knowing that it is there for me in the morning...i know that coffee is not good for me but i am consciously allowing myself to indulge for now. And it is soooo good! i now get all the hype about coffee that is all over the world! How is it that EVERYONE in EVERY country figured this out? I think that coffee was the reason for the industrial revolution. has anyone ever looked into when people started drinking crazy amounts of coffee? it puts a smile on your face and makes ya wanna get stuff done!

five

Ahh, sisterly love...imitation is the best form of flattery, is it not? Aiyana watch this.....

Halloween!

Celebrating holidays with little ones is sooo much fun! I am much more inspired, now that i have children, to put in the effort to make a holiday festive. I love fall with the colors, the squash, the roasted seeds, the hot tea and all the yummy baking. However, halloween was never really one of my favorite celebrations. Probably because my mom always avoided it like the plague. Spooky, scary costumes, spiders, and candy are not my mom's idea of a good time. She is and has always been into natural foods and the idea of even passing out sugar anything to innocent children is absolutely out of the question. So, in order to avoid my mom passing out pencils or raisins we all hid in one room with the lights out while the trick or treaters passed us by. I think in high school my friends made me go to one house and say trick or treat as some kind of rite of passage.

There were a few years in elementary schoolwhen we lived in our spiritual community in California that the parents and teachers created a magical journey full of beautiful costumes, tents, riddles, lake crossings, homemade sweets and prizes. This really set the standard for halloween and nothing has been able to match it. Although, i hear that many waldorf schools pull off a magical experience for their communities which i am excited to be a part of by next halloween with my littles!

Nonetheless, we had a wonderful celebration here in Panama. With trick or treating and all! And we made it through without a lick of candy!

my three angels...i adore them! (why can't they just smile for the pic?)

Satya trying out her magic wand on Oso. she said "poof"

Aiyana loved to say "trick or treat" really loudly!

she thought this was way cool!

the trick or treaters!

satya's thoughts on the evening

it started raining so we ran back to the party for a little drumming

fortunately, we got home just in time to light our jack 'o lantern candle (sin pumpkin as it got moldy and grew green hair a few days before) and leave all the candy out for the halloween fairies....because they trade candy for a gift for those kids who don't eat candy.....

and in just a little while the candy was gone a new train and some tracks were left! thank you jack o lantern fairy!!!!

testing out the new tracks!

feeling the love, feeling grateful

"oh my beloved,
kindness of the heart,
breath of life
i bow to you
again and again"



i am flooded with grace. time with these angels is my fairy tale come true.

joy is available in every moment...even when i don't choose it

in the moments that i can drop all "shoulds" i steep in the magic of chilhood

water, bubbles, sand, mud, flour, rice....the simplest things

they are like little mirrors... i see so clearly that when there is chaos, i am disconnected from my center. i feel strongly the great responsibility as a mother to hold the emotional balance for my family. i know that it is human to lose it and to be overwhelmed, stressed and tired but how i choose to react to those feelings i model for the family and that choice has an affect. i am growing up with my children. i am consciously choosing in more moments than before how to "handle" myself.

they are my teachers

my loves

(the building in the middle is where we live, 8th floor and the ocean is to her left)

tears well when i see these little ones love each other like i love them

Painting

We love to paint and i have no qualms about getting messy...





as a mother, i get so much satisfaction out of watching my child comletely lose herself in an activity. it is sooooo healthy for children...for all of us ,really.



I paint on the glass (a favorite canvas) and allow her to find her own way....of course, there are limits.



nothing that a little bath can't take care of...and so much fun for little Satya!