Wednesday, January 19, 2011

only the half of her...

I love that Aiyana is wearing boy's "CARS" underwear and a poofy dress. It's so her. She loves playing babies and pushing out her belly pretending she's pregnant. she asks, "are you the midwife? You need to help me push my baby out and there's going to be alot of bleed". The thought and sight of blood fascinates her and pulls her in like a great novel.... the other day when i found a tick on Oso and explained that ticks like to suck out blood she asked me, "can you tell that to me again?".

Right now she's playing with a big truck. All her babies are in it, piled in like we see on the highway here in Panama and she says with furrowed brow, "this truck has a lot of smoke. the earth is mad".

She is intrigued with conflict, problems, owies...she likes to hear stories where someone is hurt, or angry, and of course where there is blood....preferably with a princess or fairy in it, too. She is complex and sensitive. She asks why all the time and sings. She uses a high pitched voice to talk with her sister and caresses her cheek like an adoring mama.

My first born is a powerhouse, she's stubborn and she can make my blood boil...but she is also very sensitive and often says to my cranky days "mama, use a nice voice with me" which almost always brings me right back to my center where i can take a deep breath and better choose my reactions. Sometimes i clench my teeth and await bedtime and sometimes I thank her for her reminders.

She has opened me up and allowed me to find appreciation in more things than the pretty, the sweet, the compliant and the quiet. There is a whole spectrum of expression that she draws upon! And it is not always easy to be a part of!

This little girl is quite an individual! It is such a miracle to watch her unfold.


Anonymous said...

haha... so true! Beautifully written!

mark johnston said...

I love her little inquisitive nature!