Saturday, April 3, 2010

It's How You See It

I am currently living on the 8th floor of the “Royal Princess” right on the water. I love having the ocean right outside my window but i’m not a big fan of apartment living. The earth seems so far away. My bare feet cannot touch the dirt without ALOT of effort. I miss my garden at home. I miss keeping my sliding back door open and letting my babe wander into her yard exploring the elements. Here we have to get shoes on, walk out the door, get on the elevator, walk thru the parking garage, say “buenas” to the nice guards and walk a few blocks to the park to get our outdoor time. I had to breathe in and out consciously to keep a panic attack at bay during our first few days here. I felt like a jungle animal thrown in a closet. Not good. Not to compare the circumstances of the holocaust to life in Panama but the movie “Life is Beautiful” kept coming to my mind. I feel like i have to keep a certain level of joy in my voice and actions so as not to alarm my girls of my discontent. i have to show them that new experiences can be met with enthusiasm and curiosity. And the only way to give them that is to show them, to be the model. I can do that. I have done it, actually. I have come out the other end of my miserable tunnel quite unscathed and surprisingly glad to have been through it.

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