Thursday, September 30, 2010

dreams for my girls

Disclaimer:Now that i am "public" i am a bit nervous so bear with me. And just a little reminder this is not a final draft of a well thought out thesis. This is my blog. Which is sort of like my journal. So thoughts will be choppy and not finished.They are supposed to be that way. I just need to say that. Oh, and you can't correct my structure, punctuation, word there.

Ok, so i have this thing...this thing about wanting to make this world magical, loving, powerful, accepting, generous, loving; a place where all things are possible for my girls. I want them to realize their full potential, fine-tune their skills, live their dreams and find strength in any obstacle. I am an idealist and a dreamer and i know that life is far less than perfect but i also feel that with a certain perspective, this life can yield amazing triumphs and holds such vast beauty.
Ok, so the problem is that sometimes i hold all of this and i want so deeply to offer these things to my girls AND it can feel like quite the pressure.
Because i am their first teacher, I set the stage for how they feel about themselves, their world. I am supposed to be an example of all things possible, strong, vulnerable, gentle, firm, sensitive, honest, accepting, curious, determined, adventurous...It's a tall order and most days i am for it!
i am completely committed and the best part is that in order for them to be "healthy humans" they need to see imperfections, chaos, and conflict.....phew.

Because i have been waiting most of my life for this very part of life where i am an "adult", all growed-up (as Aiyana would say) and have an amazing, gorgeous husband and fiery, giggly, beautiful children, I am not about to give this precious time over to some stranger who is hired by a system that thinks they know what my child needs to learn aka "school". Especially because i think that most schools are the very reason why children learn to hate the process of knowing. (more on that later)

Here, in Panama, almost all children go to "school" before the age of 2 as it seems. Before 4:30 the parks are empty and i have gathered (now that it is the rainy season and quite lovely on a cloudy day) that is is less the scorching heat but more that the children are gathered in one of the many daycare facilities that keeps the jungle-gyms barren.
Most anywhere i go these days it never fails that someone asks me where my daughter goes to school. When i answer that she doesn't attend at all i am met with wide eyes and open mouths. It's as if they all want to say "Oh my good god! she is THREE years old and still at home with you?" And i want to say "yes, after THREE loooong years since her birth into this world i STILL take care of her, daily".
I know, everyone has their own ideas and most with the best intentions of giving their children the best start in life so i politely explain in my best broken spansih that i am fortunate enough to stay home and live out magical adventures with my most precious children in hopes to give them the best foundation that i know how to give them before i check their wings for flight. (well, it comes off a bit more simply than that but you get the idea...)
Some children do great at an early age in school and many would do well at home with a care giver. There are hundreds of cultures here melting in the same sweaty pot. Where i come from, it's smiled upon to keep your kids at home even until 5 when they start kinder. Hmm, maybe i should play the devil's advocate and next time someone asks i'll throw in there that she will never go to school! Ha! We are going to homeschool or even better "unschool"? (I am actually looking into this a bunch right now and i am finding some fascinating articles....will share.

School is only one place out of thousands where learning takes place and often it is where the least bit of knowledge is gained.


Kimberly {Yep, they are all mine} said...

I'm so glad you're blogging :) I remember the letters you wrote in HS...your writing style was always so soothing... AND, off topic, sort of...your little one looks so much like you!

hautenature* said...
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mark johnston said...

I TOTALLY agree with you As I have often thought what it might be like instilling your vision upon the world to your kids, as I see you doing, as your beliefs and ideas will be the structure as to how they will begin to view the world. It is true that what you learn in school stands in stark contrast to the true knowledge and wisdom gained through other sources. Rigid learning systems always stand in contrast to the fluidity of life's experiences!