Wednesday, April 4, 2012

who am i, anyway?

I have never thought of myself as controlling. i am soft, easy-going, flexible...right? Hmmm...well, the other day a dear friend was told by another that she is too hard on herself and those around her.

All night and day these words repeated themselves in a whisper simmering deeper and deeper thru the layers of my psyche until i felt a release, an admittance.

thank you. this has been me. I feel there is a part of me that is so rigid. so stuck. so scared that i might lose my hold on myself, my children, my household, my health, my beliefs.....I dont think i have always been this way. i dont think it's my natural way but somewhere on my life's journey i stiffened up; traded my magic wand for a sharp-edged sword.

its subtle. meeting me and even being a close friend you might not see this, it may even surprise you that this rigidity is such a tethered core in my being holding me together. hmmmmm

1 comment:

Hybrid Rasta Mama said...

So I am not alone huh? I swear I have become an asshat since becoming a mom. I used to be so much more go-with-the-flow but I have lost those soft edges. I miss that about myself but I cannot seem to get it back.