I have never thought of myself as controlling. i am soft, easy-going, flexible...right? Hmmm...well, the other day a dear friend was told by another that she is too hard on herself and those around her.
All night and day these words repeated themselves in a whisper simmering deeper and deeper thru the layers of my psyche until i felt a release, an admittance.
thank you. this has been me. I feel there is a part of me that is so rigid. so stuck. so scared that i might lose my hold on myself, my children, my household, my health, my beliefs.....I dont think i have always been this way. i dont think it's my natural way but somewhere on my life's journey i stiffened up; traded my magic wand for a sharp-edged sword.
its subtle. meeting me and even being a close friend you might not see this, it may even surprise you that this rigidity is such a tethered core in my being holding me together. hmmmmm
my greatest loves and most persistent teachers keep me on my path; sitting under the bodhi tree and breathing
1 comment:
So I am not alone huh? I swear I have become an asshat since becoming a mom. I used to be so much more go-with-the-flow but I have lost those soft edges. I miss that about myself but I cannot seem to get it back.
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