Thursday, February 4, 2010


I’m feeling totally inspired lately. I have a couple of ideas why this is happening. Why my general mood has jumped from a depressing 3 to an overall 8 in the past weeks. I can’t say for certain but it could be the new year, the feeling of 2010 is productive, swirling, courageous, anything goes….2009 was beautiful because i birthed my little buddha and witnessed my Aiyana grow into more magic but lots of hard work was done, too. So, it has a heavy feeling to it. I’m thrilled to be in a new year where my mind has been racing and my body is struggling to keep up.
I was looking for my jumprope just moments ago as I feel determined to get my ass moving a bit more but alas, nowhere to be found so here i am blogging away, something i have yearned to do for weeks but don’t have the space. Anyway, i may be feeling more glee also because i am now over 9 months postpardum and don’t they say 9 months in, 9 months out. I think there may have been a sort of shift in hormones or maybe it was just energetic. I feel a new wave of mamahood, it feels lighter and i can feel myself emerging from a long hibernation.
This post is going to be all over the place as my thoughts soar so hold on tight and bear with me……
I have also been here in Panama for 8 months, has it been? And i think things are becoming a little familiar now which feels totally liberating. I am not saying that i like it here nor do i want to stay for very long but i will say that I have enjoyed myself at times more than i have in my entire stay here thus far so that is HUGE. I feel like myself just a little bit more. As i learn about Steiner’s temperaments i see what and why i am who i am and i like how it makes me more ok with things that i wanted to change before. For instance, i am a phlegmatic and VERY slow to move and to adapt. AH HA, see? It’s normal that i have been so miserable! It’s who i am, it’s how i’m made. That’s just the way i am and you cannot FORCE me to be happy when my whole self is struggling to simply BE in this new place. So, it’s refreshing.
Yes, jumproping. It can be done in the living room directly in front of the air conditioner and it only has to be done for minutes at a time to get my blood really pumping. My idea is to do 2x per day and just build on the minutes. About 75 jumps straight is all i can do initially but just wait and see what i can do by the end of the week….if i can find that darn thing. What’s jumprope in spanish? maybe Maria stuck it somewhere.
So, jumproping and spanish. I have already met with one tutor but her prices jumped up once we met so i think i’ll look around. I am determined to learn this language as much as possible before i fly the coup! I definitely know more than when i arrived but i still struggle with some basic verbs. It feels fun to speak it and actually get my point across. i’m not nervous like i used to be although it’s more embarassing to speak around people i know. If i’m on my own i don’t really mind giving it a try and using the words i know. But, i feel much more self-conscious when i feel someone is watching me.
I realized that my sangunie side- another one of the temperaments- gets all excited and jazzed about all these new things but then my primary aspect comes into play and is slow to get things moving. OR i get things moving but don’t follow through for very long. In either case, things don’t get done, i don’t learn anything to speak of and i become disappointed in myself. So, it is my intention to smack one of these temperaments silly and push beyond my natural tendencies. Oh, yes, this has been said before. Resolutions have been set before and not followed through and although this tempts me to simply grow old, i will not.I will forever make set new goals and always intend to meet them.
Each week i will set goals. Little, achievable goals and build on the momentum.This week:
jumprope 2x per day for four days
attend the dance therapy class at akila this thursday or next tues depending on when i get someone to watch the babes
and secure a tutor to start this or next week
Seems doable. The list really could go on because when i am excited i think of a million things i want to do but i will stop there so that I can actually accomplish something. Believe me, with 2 little ones daily showers are hard to come by!
Ok, i’m going to post this now as it’s been sitting here in draft mode for days! I keep getting interrupted. Imagine that

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